


What If...

by Hopesjourney



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 19:22:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15847752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopesjourney/pseuds/Hopesjourney
Summary: Bellamy watches Clark walk away and knows that she is taking his heart with her.  The question is, what is he going to do about it?





	What If...

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place at the end of 2:16. This is a complete one shot. On my own site, I always include music with my stories but I can't do that here so I'm going to just tell you what the song is that goes with this. I call it Bellamy's song but it is actually What Do I Do With My Heart by the Eagles, available to listen to on Youtube. I hope you enjoy this story.

What If…

“May we meet again…” Clarke said, turning and walking quickly away.

Her words cut into him like a knife, and hurt wrenched and twisted his heart. “May we meet again,” he mumbled in reply.

Bellamy watched Clarke walk away from the gate, from the Ark, from him. He wanted to chase her, grab her and pull her to him and beg her not to go. But… he couldn’t. 

He swallowed down a lump in his throat that made it almost impossible to think clearly because the fiery pain it caused him only brought the past few days into sharper focus.

They had done it together, his large and calloused hand over her smaller hand that surprisingly wore a few calluses too. Together they had pulled the lever and waited as the outside air filled Mount Weather, carrying in the radiation from the outside that was deadly to the regular inhabitants of the mountain. Bellamy counted the seconds, then minutes by his heartbeat until he felt shaky with the knowledge of what they had done and the lives that would be quickly gone. They had considered themselves heroes to be able to save so many of their people but the joke was on them, there were no heroes that day. 

He blinked in the sunshine and became aware that his hands had gone numb and when he looked down he saw that his fists were clenched so tightly that he had lost the feeling in them. He tried to breathe in slowly in a useless attempt to let go of his current thoughts, but it wasn’t that easy. It was too late to hide from the truth; he had fallen in love with Clarke.

As the realization hit him he felt a sharp pain slam through his chest; he loved her and now he’d lost her, all because he couldn’t bring himself to tell her for fear she’d laugh or worse and more likely, say nothing, looking at anything but him in an attempt to avoid what he’d just said.

He took up sentry on a stack of crates near the gate, often used for reinforcement against grounder threats. As he climbed up the crates he had a better view of her as she moved across the field. Even in her steady movements there was an inherent grace about her, a purposefulness that made him, in turn, feel the ache of her loss and respect in knowing that she was doing what she always did; following her heart. The heart that didn’t include him.

The sun was shining brilliantly and he shielded his eyes for a moment with his hand, eyes squinting against the glare. His breath caught as he saw how the beams captured her long blonde hair and it almost looked on fire for a moment, blazing intensely in the sunshine. It wrapped her in a luminous glow that somehow managed to look almost angelic. He scoffed at that thought; she was anything but an angel and yet maybe not so far off. Everything she had done was for her people, the people she felt responsible for. Yes, people had died but how many had lived? Their people, their friends who now walked freely in this compound had been grateful to be released and yet a few of them blamed her for all the deaths of the mountain people. Jasper came immediately to his mind and he knew that somehow their friend would never be the same and who could blame him? He’d lost his love, his first, real, true love. How did anyone forget that? He hoped that he found the answer because his was walking towards the trees that would obscure her from his eyes but not his heart. 

As quickly as that thought took hold of him it happened, she was enveloped by those trees and suddenly was gone from sight. He felt the persistent lump in his throat rise again and convulsively tried to swallow it down but he knew it was useless to try. For a moment he felt the sting of tears in his eyes and knew he had to find someplace private because they would come now, he knew it. 

He took a deep breath and then jumped down from the crates and headed out the gate. For a moment he looked longingly at the trees where Clarke disappeared then turned in another direction, as he decided to head to the small lake a couple of miles away. The fishing detail wasn’t there today so it should be quiet. His steps grew longer and before he knew it he was running full-speed, heading as far away from camp and Clarke as he could manage. As he ran the tears flowed unchecked and he let them. They said that tears were a sign of healing and he said a small prayer in hopes that it was true.

***

Kane watched as Bellamy took off at a run and headed south. The only thing out that way was a small lake that they fished from once a week. The farm crew was trying to conserve the fish there so they had to take it easy on the fishing while they worked on a program to breed more of them. When Bellamy was out of sight he sighed and headed towards the Ark. 

Inside the Ark he went to find Abby who should be in the med unit by now, no doubt protesting that she didn’t need to be. But whether she liked it or not her body had been ravaged by the Mount Weather crew pulling so much bone marrow from her. Yes, she needed time to rest but it wasn’t going to be easy keeping her down; there was nothing worse in Kane’s opinion than a doctor who wouldn’t do for themselves what they would do for others. Jackson was going to have his hands full with her, no doubt about it.

Abby was watching as Kane entered the med unit and saw that he was frowning as he approached her bed. She tried to sit up to speak to him and he gently laid his hand on her shoulder to keep her lying down. This day was as hard for her as it had been for Bellamy. Kane shook his head as sat down. 

“I was right, Abby; he loves her.”

Abby nodded, acknowledging his words. She closed her eyes for a moment and let out a long breath. Her pained expression tore at Kane; he hated to see her so hurt. Clarke hadn’t come to see her before she left and the truth of that knowledge cut her deeply. There was no easy answer to all that was wrong between them right now and Abby wasn’t even sure there was an answer – time, maybe time.

She and Kane had been aware of Bellamy’s feelings for a while now, and in the shattered confusion of the retreat from Mount Weather, it was crystal clear that he loved Clarke. On the other hand, Abby couldn’t get any kind of a read on Clarke’s feelings. Her daughter kept so much to herself as if she carried the world on her shoulders and in many ways she did. Or had anyway. She and Bellamy had been in charge of the kids, whether by selection from the group or just stepping up, she and Kane weren’t sure. Getting them to back down from those duties now that the adults were here was proving to be a difficult task. The kids only followed Clarke and Bellamy and even the relationships with the grounders hinged on Clarke's negotiations, not the adults, not yet at least. Clarke had let her know in no uncertain terms that she was in charge of Mount Weather, she and Bellamy.

Bellamy had managed to get into the mountain because Clarke had asked him to; privately Abby believed that Bellamy would slay the mightiest dragons for her. In the end, he had come through it all, relatively safe and sound. During the trek home both Abby and Kane had watched him carefully; if Clarke was near him his gaze never left her and Kane especially saw the pain etched in the young man’s face. He recognized that look from the one that stared back at him from his own mirror. The Griffin women had more defensive walls up around them than most other women did.

Abby thought about Bellamy for a few moments. She would have protested strongly if Clarke and Bellamy got involved on the Ark; not that Bellamy was a bad man, but they were from different worlds. Abby still had hopes of training Clarke to be a doctor back then and while Clarke was thankful for the skills she possessed, it was apparent that medicine was not really for her. All that study took time and focus and with any man in her life school would have been almost impossible.

Here on the ground, Abby recognized what a fine young man Bellamy was; still a bit prone to stubbornness and doing things his way but that could be excused. He was an asset to this camp and Kane in particular thought that Bellamy would go far if he applied himself.

Abby sniffed slightly and that brought Kane back to their conundrum, which was figuring out what to do about this situation with the kids.

***

Bellamy ran as hard and as fast as he could and when he finally saw the lake come into view he stopped for a moment and bent over, his hands on his knees and he tried to suck air into his lungs that felt on fire and were screaming for air. Whether it was entirely his need for air or the slamming of his heart against his chest he wasn’t sure. After a minute or so he got control over it and he started walking towards the lake this time keeping to slower steps. He ducked around it to the east side where a clump of trees hid a large flat stone that made a good place to rest for a bit and gather his thoughts. 

He was such a fuck up, he couldn’t deny it. People had died under his watch, people he cared about and he had let them down. Even knowing how much their lives had mattered hadn’t made him tell Clarke the truth. People he should have told that he admired or respected and now it was too late to say the words. Was he going to do the same thing with Clarke, let her slip through his hands like the quicksilver she was? Would he ever even have the chance to tell her that she was the world to him?

He thought that he had actually loved her from almost the first time he met her and called her Princess. She’d been so angry about that and when he saw the fire in her eyes he just about lost it. From then on he used almost every opportunity to call her that and took a great deal of pleasure when she would almost snarl at him for his impudence. Still, the tell-tale spark in her eyes had told him she didn’t really hate it that much.

Yes, they’d fought as much as worked together for a long time but the past month something had subtlety changed with them. They talked more, not always about whatever crisis they were facing but actually talking, like friends. Better than friends really. Every now and then she actually let him in to see her sadness, her worry, her fear. When he was in Mount Weather he knew that it was her that kept him going, pushing to do what needed to be done. He’d done it for all of them but mostly for her. He wouldn’t ever let her down, let her face it all alone. When he put his hand on hers to pull the switch, it solidified everything for him; this was how it was supposed to be for them, together, hopefully forever together.

Finally, his decision made he headed back to camp. He knew what he needed to do.

*****

Clarke felt numbness take over her as she walked away. She wanted to look over her shoulder because instinct told her that Bell was still watching her but she continued on, focused only on the goal of putting Arcadia behind her.

Was she betraying everyone by leaving? Was she betraying herself? Bellamy? She drew in a shaky breath and started walking again before she was tempted to turn around. Guilt rode heavily on her heart and soul, about what she did, what she and Bellamy had done together but they had done what they had to after Lexa betrayed her so cruelly. 

She had been so positive that Lexa was with them on the battle at Mount Weather. Together, their forces might have made a difference and killing all the Mount Weather people might not have had to happen; in losing Lexa’s forces they had lost too many of their own. Instead, Lexa and her clan alliances simply collected their people and walked away; treachery of the worst kind. Would she have done that too, make a deal to save her people and leave Lexa’s there to suffer further? She wouldn’t have; the pact between them wouldn’t have been broken. 

Was she being naive about it? Foolish even? What if the only thing to save her people had been the grounders? Would she have agreed to harvest their blood, their marrow to save her people? What if…

The questions and implications made her head spin. No matter how it played out the only option had been death for some people. They had all lost some; the grounders, Arcadians, and the mountain people, but she acknowledged the mountain people had gotten the worst of it. They bore the consequences of their decisions to kill the grounders and then the Arcadians.

She altered her steps to take her towards the dropship; a little ways beyond it were some caves that she and Finn had found, tucked away behind some boulders that should hide her for a day or two as she decided what to do. She couldn’t go back to the home that was no longer home; she couldn’t face the looks of everyone there. Most had trusted her and look where that had gotten them. She never asked to be a leader in the early days; someone had to take charge and she and Bellamy had stepped up. It hadn’t been easy but the 100 kids on the dropship had needed some guidance as many of them ran amok at the freedom and the fact that after 97 years in space they were actually alive and breathing on earth. Bellamy had vexed her most of the time back then; or that was what she told herself anyway.

Finn had been the first to call her princess and then Bell had dared to call her Princess as well. His audacity infuriated her, at least at first. She hadn’t been aware of the twinkle in his eye when he saw how it irritated her, but she had gradually been aware that there was respect in his eyes too as they worked together more often. Then when the adults started landing they stuck together more and more because the adults didn’t seem to understand that just because they were here now that the kids, who were used to taking care of themselves were not just going to sit down and shut up. They had sent them down to what might be an inhabitable planet to likely die and when they learned enough to survive; they aren’t looking to the adults any longer.

Bellamy – she’d left him there at the gate. It tore her to pieces; they were best friends now, depending on one another. How would she manage without him? He wouldn’t be there to hold her in his arms when it all got to be too much. She would miss his teasing; calling her Princess just to shake her out of whatever was bothering her.

His arms; yes those strong arms that made her feel that together they were invincible. Suddenly a sob tore from deep within her, surprising her and yet not totally unexpected. What if he’d come with her? Did she even have the right to ask him to? Was that what she even wanted? No, it had been the best for her to go on her own; her head was so messed up with the pain and anger and regret for what had happened. She didn’t feel like she had any value at all right now. She couldn’t lead them when she couldn’t find her own way and she certainly didn’t have anything to offer Bell either.

With the remains of the dropship in sight she headed towards the caves, ready for the seclusion and hopefully peace that was evading her now.

***

Back in Arcadia Bell ran into Kane right away, unaware that the older man had been waiting for him. The look on his face was inscrutable as far as Bellamy could tell and when Kane asked if they could speak for a few minutes his stomach clenched in dread. This couldn’t be good he decided.

Were they going to blame him for letting her go? As if any force in the universe could stop her once her mind was made up. Eyes downcast, he followed Kane into his office and sat down while the door was closed. As Kane took his seat, Bellamy looked up, expecting to be raked over the coals and instead he found something that looked a whole lot like sympathy. 

“Thanks for seeing me, Bellamy,” Kane started, immediately recognizing the young man’s discomfort. “I’ve been doing a bit of thinking, about everything that has happened the past few days.” He focused on Bellamy's face as he spoke, trying to gage a reaction.

“Yes, it’s been a lot happening, to, um, handle I guess.”

“My thoughts exactly, Bellamy,” he said, adding, “I think you need a few days to collect yourself, gather your thoughts or however you might best work past the events at Mount Weather.”

“Uh, Kane, I’m fine. I’ll get through it all,” he said, a small tremor detectable in his voice. What in the hell is going on? Did Kane want to get rid of him? Did they think he was a problem for them?

“Really, Bellamy? What you went through there has to be hard to process.”

“What the hell, Kane? It is difficult for every single one of us!” he snapped, his voice louder than he intended. He ducked his head, trying to hide his confusion and anger.

“Yes, you are correct of course; we all have our issues to deal with. But you were the one that pulled the lever, well, you and Clarke I should say. I want you to take 3 days to yourself, do anything you like.”

“Here in camp?” Bell asked, knowing he wouldn’t get anywhere if he had to stay here.

“Wherever you want to spend those days is up to you. There’s still a lot to explore out there,” Kane waived his hand offhandedly towards the outside. “It’s up to you.”

As Bellamy looked at Kane he finally caught a look that might well have been understanding or sympathy. He nodded and said, “Thank you, Kane. I think that might be a good idea.” He stood up as did Kane, who reached for Bellamy’s hand and shook it.

“Three days, Bellamy. Make them count.”

“Yes, yes, sir.” He couldn’t get out of the office quickly enough.

***

After he gathered a few supplies he headed out the gate and to the trees, where he’d last seen her, his footsteps quick and steady. He only had a couple of hours of sunlight left so other than constantly scanning the trees for Trikru he moved as carefully as he could. He wasn’t a tracker and that fact depressed him a great deal. He decided he’d head to the dropship, if for no other reason than he could shelter in the remnants of it as he searched for Clarke. As the sun dipped lower in the sky the shadows around the trees grew longer and harder to scan so he kept his pace steady and unbroken, moving towards his goal.

When he was almost there a shadow separated itself from the trees and he caught his breath, not sure who he was seeing. His hand quickly dipped to rest on his gun, but quickly he recognized the posture, the defiant stance that told him it was Clarke.

***

She knew he was out there, heading for the dropship. She watched him for a while, seeing if that really was where he was going. He didn’t know about the caves, at least she didn’t think he did. She’d discovered him quite by accident as she was gathering firewood for the night. It was chilly this time of year and she’d been so intent on her hasty departure that she’d not gathered any supplies to take with her, including warmer clothes or a bedroll. So a fire was all that was going to keep her warm tonight, she lamented as she gathered her first armful and then returned to gather more. That was when she caught sight of someone in the distance, heading steadily to the ship. It didn’t take her long to recognize Bell, and for some reason it didn’t surprise her, but it did piss her off. Didn’t he realize alone meant alone?

She approached him and tried not to see the emotion that he wore on his face, his eyes eating her up and the happiness that was reflected in them. Unfortunately, Bellamy recognized the look on her face too and it only took a brief glance to see she was angry; her eyes flashing with anger and her jaw jutting out in defiance.

“Clarke, I,” he began, not quite sure what to say. He wanted to go to her and pull her into his arms and hold her tightly. Instead, when she dropped the load of wood she was carrying and took a step towards him he knew this wasn’t going to go well.

“What the fuck, Bell? What part of alone didn’t you understand?” she demanded, her eyes sparking almost black in the twilight. Her foot tapped dangerously quick as she stood there confronting him defiantly.

He unknowingly took a step backward, trying to escape the anger that was beginning to simmer over. Before he could speak again she squared off at him, her shoulders hunched a bit in a somewhat protective manner which told him she was feeling vulnerable, whether she would admit it or not.

“Go back to the Ark, Bell. You don’t need to watch over me, I’m fine. I got this,” her words dripped of disdain and she bent to gather the firewood so she could make her escape.

“Just shut the hell up, Clarke! I’m not here to watch over you,” he lied, his voice shaking with his own anger now. He bent to help her pick up the wood and she angrily pulled a piece of it out of his hand, tearing a small piece of skin that immediately started to bleed.

“Oh fuck,” she mumbled, seeing the blood. She pulled his hand to her so she could examine it. It wasn’t bad, only a deep scratch so it wouldn’t need stitches thank goodness.

At the contact of their hands touching both of them felt the shock of electricity shoot through them. Clarke’s breath caught and she told herself that it was just because he wasn’t hurt worse than the scratch.

Bellamy on the other had recognized it immediately for what it was, pure desire. His hand be damned, along with her anger; he pulled her towards him and wrapped her closely in his arms, holding on when she tried to pull away. Finally, he felt her calm down and he let her step away, but her gaze on him was anything but relaxed he saw.

“Bell, I, um…” she started but didn’t finish the sentence. What was she thinking, feeling? In his arms, for that brief minute, everything had suddenly felt right, like that was the place she was supposed to be. She sighed at the knowledge, understanding that there were things to say between them.  
“I’m sorry. We uh, need to clean that up. Follow me,” she almost whispered as she bent once again to gather the wood. This time she didn’t fight him as he helped her.

Bellamy trailed after her, his heart banging in his chest so loudly he was positive she could hear it. “Where are we heading? You aren’t staying in the dropship?”

She cast a derisive glance at the remains of the ship without acknowledging his words. It seemed logical to her that the ship wasn’t the best spot to be. 

“No, in some caves a little bit farther away from here,” she informed him, her words a bit clipped as she struggled for control. When they came to the caves Bell admitted that they were an ideal place to stay; a large boulder all but blocked the entrance and he peered around it curiously.

“C’mon, Clarke, let’s get this wood in and start a fire, it’s a bit chilly.” He noticed a slight shiver when he looked at her and naturally thought it was the temperature.

He was wrong; what she was thinking about was being in his arms again. Even if just for a few minutes she knew that was what she wanted to happen.

They worked together to get the fire going and as soon as it was blazing and crackling Bellamy pulled his bedroll out and spread it near the fire and offered a seat to Clarke who stood looking at it, a bit unsure of what to do.

“Have a seat, Clarke,” he told her as he pulled some rations out of the pack as well. They hadn’t had time to eat earlier and he was hungry and was sure she must be too. He offered her some dried meat and she finally took a seat and accepted the meat and bit into it hungrily. They were both chewing quietly, neither sure of what to say to the other.

Bell took a drink from his canteen and then passed it to Clarke and waited while she drank and then closed it up. She was worrying her lower lip, something she did at times when she was struggling with something. Bellamy knew that he was the something.

She turned to look at him and the flickering firelight made her eyes look an even darker blue than they were, almost like two sparkling sapphires. She licked her lips and said, “Bell, why did you follow me?”

She obviously wasn’t as angry as she had been earlier but he knew he needed to choose his words wisely. He cleared his throat and finally said, “I, um, I had to, Clarke. I couldn’t let you go like that; there are too many things that I need to say to you.”

She drew in a sharp breath and for moment panic grabbed her, making her want to run. Was he going to be honest? If so, did she want to hear it? How would she handle it when he spoke? She knew what he was going to tell her and her heart was pounding crazily. Could she tell him what she wanted to as well?

Bellamy cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes. “Clarke, I love you,” he said simply, his voice a mere husky whisper.

Her breath caught and she gulped in a large breath, trying to stop her head from spinning crazily. He teased a wayward strand of her hair back from her face and watched as a few strands flowed from his fingers, looking like spun gold.

His face moved closer to hers; their breath mingled and each felt the warmth of the others. She licked her lips again and then parted them. It was all that Bellamy needed to see and he claimed them, gently, teasingly. She didn’t pull back; only let herself melt into the kiss, aching for more. Her fingers entwined in the curls of his hair sealing their lips in a drenching kiss.

Bellamy pulled her into his embrace and lifted her so that she was sitting on his lap, cradling her tight. Their faces were mere inches apart again as they searched each other’s eyes, seeking acceptance. She melted into him and he was amazed to see that she needed him as much as he needed her.

For a minute his breath caught as he felt her heart beating, pressed up against his chest, in sync with his own. He closed his eyes for a moment, awed by the miracle of holding her against him.

He felt her lips caressing his then, moving enticingly and he responded by opening his mouth as her tongue teased along his lips before dipping inside to stroke his tongue. It stirred the fires burning in his belly, fires that were consuming all the doubt and that were stoking his passions to the point of no return. Her fingers tangled gently through his soft curls, tugging playfully at them which only made him want her more. He ached for her, to feel his skin against hers and let her go long enough to pull his jacket off and then hers as well.

She moved to straddle him and pulled off her shirt leaving her down to her bra and he reached behind her to unhook it for her, his hands trembling in his eagerness. He felt like a raw youth, looking at her beautiful breasts, the dark rose of her nipples puckered tight with desire for him. His fingers teased up the smooth skin of her back and he felt the goosebumps that rose as his fingers traced around her sides to cup her breasts, thumbs softly stroking her nipples that elicited a low moan from her parted lips.

She managed to tug his shirt off finally and her fevered skin met his as she wrapped her arms around his neck again, pulling him tighter to her. Bell shifted and laid her down on the bedroll and his eyes ate up the sight of her; hair spread out around her and glowing in the firelight. Her breath was a bit shaky, a feeling that Bell was altogether too familiar with too.

Clarke couldn’t stop her hands from searching for his pants, struggling in their haste to unfasten them and then push them down his hips. Bellamy pulled away long enough to stand and step out of his boots and then his pants, leaving his manhood exposed to her eyes and she let out a small whimper of desire, holding her arms out to him, beckoning him back to her. He knelt and worked her pants down as well as she kicked off her boots so her pants could slide down to her feet. Bell pulled them off of her and settled himself next to her, resuming the kiss, stroking deeply with his tongue, tasting the sweetness of her, the love she shared.

His fingers returned to her breasts, caressing her nipples and bent his head to stroke his tongue against first one and then the other. He tugged lightly with his teeth and then nibbled softly on the hardened buds of her nipples before using the tip of his tongue to press firmly against them as she moaned again, calling his name softly.

“Bell, I need you. I need you inside me,” she begged. “Now, Bell, please.”

As she spoke she reached for his hardened length, running tormenting fingers up and down him and was rewarded with a moan as well. 

“Clarke, I, um…” he trailed off, afraid he wasn’t going to last much longer if she didn’t stop. He had needed her for so long, imagined this, masturbated to this very thought too many times. His fingers tickled down her stomach, finding the patch of soft blond curls and dipped into her depths. She was soaking wet and as soon as his hand made contact she pushed her hips against him in small circles trying to increase the contact.

He slid down her body then, finding what his fingers had caressed and lapped at her gently at first, and then firmer as he slid two fingers inside her while his tongue and lips played lightly with the small, tight bud that was throbbing with desire. He ignited a burning ache within her that consumed her. Almost as soon as he started he felt her clamp down on his fingers and she let out a low cry, writhing on the bedroll.

“Please, Bell, I can’t wait anymore,” she said as she tugged him up between her legs. She jumped as his body made contact with hers, his hard flesh pressed against her wet and ready flesh. She spread her legs farther apart to welcome him into her. As he took his first, long and slow stroke she shuddered against him and wrapped her legs around him increasing their connection.

He held her as he moved in and out of her, feeling her trying to speed the movement up and for a moment a smile tweaked up the corners of his mouth. She was beautiful in her passion, eyes steadily gazing into his. Suddenly he felt her shift and she kissed his neck before settling her tongue on the vein that throbbed rapidly and she nipped lightly at it as a shuddering moan escaped him. It was more than he could handle and he drove faster and deeper into her and felt her orgasm take her over, right before his own did the same. They clung together, holding one another tightly until their bodies relaxed. He moved to lie next to her, but still held her against him, when he noticed the firelight catching what looked like tears in her eyes. 

He sat up abruptly, afraid he had hurt her, and speechless at how thoughtless he’d been to take her like this. She sat up quickly as well, alarm making her eyes look bigger than usual.

“Bell, what’s wrong?”

“Clarke, did I hurt you?” he questioned, not sure how to fix this if he did.

She shook her head, wondering why he thought such a thing. “No, you didn’t hurt me at all, Bell.” She gave him a slow and altogether too sexy smile and added, “You did everything exactly right. Why would you think you hurt me?”

“I…you…I saw tears in your eyes. Please tell what I did, Clarke.”

She smiled at him, realization dawning on her. “Bellamy, it’s just that I’ve wanted this for so very long. But I’ve been so afraid you didn’t want me, care about me. I, the tears, were of joy, happiness.”

He searched her face for any sign of her just trying to soothe him. He saw none. He swallowed back his panic and fears and let happiness ease itself into his heart.

“Hey, I’m hungry still. Got anything else in there,” she asked nodding to his backpack. It worked as a good diversion, he gave her a small smile and she reached up to kiss him, her lips warm and loving.

“Um, sure. I brought rations for 3 days. Kane basically kicked me out of camp,” he admitted sheepishly with a shrug.

“You’re kidding! What did you do, Bellamy?” Her thoughts immediately flew to the worst case scenario.

“Nothing. He just said I was probably over-tired and stressed and that a few days would do me good. So I didn’t argue.”

Clarke's mind was racing. They wanted him to go after her; most likely they thought he could bring her back. She knew that she couldn’t go back though and she hoped, in the end that Bell would accept that.

He pulled more dried meat out of the bag and some berries as well and they ate quickly, both of them hungrier than they thought. She yawned and laid back down on the bedroll, her eyes inviting him to join her.

Bellamy was a smart guy and she didn’t have to ask twice. He settled next to her, pulling the bedding around them as best he could and then wrapping his arms around her tightly. Before they knew it, they had both fallen asleep. 

***

The three days flew past quickly, much too quickly for both of them. They hunted a bit for fresh meat, gathered firewood and talked, really talked about their lives, and what they both wanted. They made love so much that neither could keep count as if their souls were seeking the connection that would hold them together forever. On the last day, Bell watched her sadly as he was gathering his stuff. He handed the pack to her, knowing that she would at least have a few things with her.

“Clarke?” his eyes questioned, but he knew the answer. 

He watched her bite at her lower lip and then wipe away the tears that were flowing down her cheeks. She shook her head and broke into a sob, reaching for him one last time.

“I can’t, Bell. I’m not, I don’t have anything to give you. I need time, please, can you give me that? I love you, but it’s just not enough right now.”

He nodded, his own tears streaking unimpeded down his cheeks. He didn’t even try to stop them; his heart was breaking.

He understood, he did, and he knew he wouldn’t stop her. He wanted her whole, to be with him because there was nowhere else she wanted to be.

“Damn, Clarke, just remember you are taking my heart with you…”

“May we…” he started, but she laid two fingers against his lips to stop his words.

“Shhh,” she murmured, her voice cracking with emotion. “Don’t…”

She looked at him one last time and tried to smile. “Time, Bell, just give me some time,” were her last words before she walked out of the cave, disappearing from his life once again.

“…meet again,” he finished, but the words were only heard by him.

He ducked back into the cave and sat down, sobbing. He didn’t know what to do with his heart. . 

End


End file.
